It's Just a Feeling

It's Just a Feeling

Setting: Stompin' Bob's Room in the Penguin Band's igloo
Date: December 21st, 2012
Time: 12:01 PM PST
(Point of View: Stompin' Bob)

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I looked around. I was in my room, sitting on the beanbag, sulking. I had my bass in my lap and was wearing a black hoodie and gray sweatpants. I had messed up my Mohawk style and my hair was back to its usual style. It was messy and I didn't care. I was sweating, uncomfortable, upset, and I didn't care about any of that.

Next to me was my phone, and I had a pair of gray headphones that were attached to it. I didn't want to listen to anything. Nothing was helping with what I was feeling right now. All the sad songs made me sadder. All the happy songs made me annoyed. All the angry songs made me mad. All the love songs made me envious.

So I listened to nothing. The headphones were just there to block out any other sound. Well, they were trying to block it out. They gave muffled sounds. And that's how I heard when someone knocked on my bedroom door.
"What?" I asked.
"It's me, Petey K," said Petey K from outside it.
"And?" I took off my headphones.
"It's lunchtime."
"... What's lunch?"
"The meal before dinner and after breakfast...?"
"Don't be an idiot. What's for lunch?"
"Um, peanut butter sandwiches...? And why are you so grumpy today?"
"Because. I'm having a bad day."
"Care to tell me about it?"
"Definitely not."
"How come?"
"I don't want to."
"Well, are you coming out to lunch?"
"No."
"Aren't you hungry?"
"Yeah."
"Then why aren't you coming out?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Petey K, GO AWAY!"

I heard him waddling away after that. I felt bad, but not really. I heard him mutter something about depression, and I smacked the book on the ground next to me.

I need to chill, I thought, putting the headphones back on and taking a deep breath.

Nah. I turned on 'Ghosts Just Wanna Dance'. I started bobbing my head. What can possibly make me upset in this song? I love this song.

It was fine until the rap, when I remembered Cadence mentioned puffles.

Puffles. PH...

I turned the song off, shaking my head. No way.

Okay...what about... 'Cool in the Cold'? No, that mentions puffles too.

I clicked "Random Song" and 'Breakeven' by The Script came on. It perfectly described how I was feeling right now, but it was making me sad, so I skipped it after the first chorus. Next, it was 'The Party Starts Now'. There was no way I was listening to that.

I turned off the music for a minute, leaning back my head. The back of my neck was sweaty.

The ceiling wasn't very interesting, so I started playing a sad tune on my guitar. Soon I was in a full-out minor bass solo, but I was cut off by Franky outside the door.

"St-Stompin' Bob?"
I stopped playing. "What?"
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Franky."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm fine."
"Can I help in any way?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive. Go eat lunch, bud."

Instead of going to eat, he pushed the door open and shyly poked his yellow head through the door.
"You don't look good, Stompin' Bob."
"I'm okay, Franky, really," I said.
"You're acting like you did when your depression was really bad."
"Something happened today. It doesn't concern you, or any of the guys. Okay?"
"Okay, but are you sure you're all right?"
"I'm fine! Please stop asking me that."
"Are you mad at Petey?"
"No, I'm not."
"Then why did you tell at him?"
"I'm just not having a very good day."
Franky nodded. "If you wanna talk, I'll talk." With that, he was gone.

I mumbled and pressed my flipper to my forehead. I have a headache.

I started playing my bass again, but it only lasted about 5 minutes.

I stood up and tried to shake it out a little. I tried to go to my nightstand to get my journal. I was so upset and felt so crappy that I felt like I couldn't even waddle in a straight line. I laid down on my bed. I felt dizzy and my head was pounding.

Taking a couple deep breaths, I rolled over and put my head under my pillow.

Laying there, I thought about what had happened. She cheated on me. She really did. I trusted her. I loved her. So much. And she cheated on me. I just couldn't believe it.

I willed myself not to cry. I'm strong. I'm not going to cry. I can be as upset as I want. But I'm not going to cry.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. It's just a feeling, Stomp. Just a little more pain. You can take it. It's just a breakup. Stuff happens. You'll go through breakups in your life.

"What am I talking about?" I whispered. "Just a breakup? Who am I?!"

I sat up again. I can't sit still.

I paced across the floor in my room. Why did she do it? Why? I thought she loved me back.

I stopped pacing and took a deep breath. Was it something I did?

I jumped back onto my bed, reaching for my nightstand drawer. I opened it and dug through the stacks of books, papers, and CDs until I found my journal.

About 2 words into the entry, I decided I didn't want to do this right now, and put it back in the drawer.

I'm starving. I sat up and started for my door, only to realize I was still too dizzy to waddle.

"Ughhh," I said, leaning against the wall. "PH." I paused, sitting down and burying my head in my lap. "Ugh. PH. Why?"

My phone lit up and I grabbed it. It was a text from G-Billy asking if I was okay. I told him I was, then I read my conversations with PH.

I started reading at 5 days ago. We had been sending each other random pictures, and in each picture we tried to make a funnier face than the other had.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Not gonna cry. It's just a feeling.

Inspired by my own thoughts, I put on 'Just A Feeling', which was an actual song. It came through my headphones. The sad, slow tune made me sad, but I was trying to shake it off.

As I read the texts while listening to the song, all the memories of PH ran through my head. I turned the song off and clenched my fists, trying to prevent the tears that were coming from spilling over.

It's okay, Stomp.

You'll be okay.
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